SNITCHOLOGY

First and foremost thank you for the invite. This is a little lecture on SNITCHOLOGY...we will be delving into the mind set of a SNITCH. Now you may wonder why one would chose to study this paticular subject or even write about it. It is quite simple really. It has come to my attention that the Season of the Snitch has crept up on us....in the only way a Snitch Season can by being sneaky. You see when a Snitch goes quiet for a minute you think its retired. Thats where you would be WRONG. Snitches are like bears they never retire they merely hibernate but of course thats all they have in common with bears. If I was to liken a SNITCH to animal I would say that animals like heyenas and vultures would be appropriate. Snitches do not hunt, that would require work...Snitches feast on whatever is wounded or looks incapacitated. Now you may wonder why I am so riled up about this topic to the point of animosty. Well.....I encountered a SNITCH. Not any old Snitch mind you but a hibernating Snitch. A hibernating Snitch is the worse kind because they are hungry for anything. This paticular Snitchette is of a devious nature because she reeled this blogger in with her claims of being a woman grown and a woman who was honest. Now you see when a Snitchette claims to be all these things you need to beware because if you can't see these things upon meeting up with her then she cleary does not possess the qualities she is harping on about and TRYING her darndest to convince you that she has got them. This paticular Snitchette has snitched me up royally if Iwas not her victim I would be applauding her timing, her oscar skills and her sheer confidence can be matched with. This SNITCHETTE asks me to pass on information. I do so. The information unbeknowst to me is inflammatory and is causing heart palpitations for people under 25. Then when she gets called on her Snitching ways she CLAIMS she never said anything. See how a snitchette does? Like a cockroach.... she scampers when the lights get switched on! This blogger is tired and she is not going to take this one for the good of the team... SNITCHETTE....walk with a friend is all I have to say.....

Snitch, where your manners at?

Hark, who goes there... it is I teh Spoons.

Wow hombres, seems like forever since i've scribed anything on these virtual pages; it wouldn't be far from the truth if i said eversince the Don Lidzi left, i been lacking inspiration in the snitchin department like a monk on valentines day...

But whether we snitch these items or not, at the end of the day a snitch is a snitch, and a snitch aint worth jack but vexation of heart. Snitches don't need the Incredible Spoons to exist.

So you start profiling with a young womens, and this womens is nice, courteous, polite and all to you, but after sometime your snitching senses start tingling and u realise, that this womens is the complete opposite to your peoples, especially to your friends that be of the same gender as she is... in the words of Mr T, "i pity the fool", coz hombres thats a major snitch!!! But y'all know me, ain't no snitch gonna Wesley Snipe me!!!!

We dun said it a million times here at www.snitchin.blogspot.com, don't let a snitch come between your friendships, coz snitches come and go, but friendships can last for a lifetime homies. Perhaps its insecurity on the snitches behalf, or possessiveness or maybe just plain bad manners; u know some peoples never act right unless theres something in it for them.

I knew "somebody" who knew a womens that ignored his friends:

Well meaning friend: Hello womens
Snitching womens: rolls eyes, and continues with her business
Well meaning friend:*hurt* lol

Need i say more? you all know what to do in situations like this...

Two Spoons

signing out.

Dont let a Snitch come between a Friendship

Eiiiiish.. Aint that a Snitch all the way from Africa…

Peoples.. Listen up. Don’t you EVER let a snitch come between a friendship. Once upon a time I had a connection, and it was good.. a few years later, much to my misery I acquired a snitch. The drama is, this snitch wanted my connekie.

Next thing you know, she tells my friend that she done broke up with me, and he proceeds to fall for the snitch.. She was tight, but I cant deny the fact that she was a snitch. Anyways, she goes and gets preg and all (most of y’all know the story).

But here’s the funny part. I wanted to ease the tension of the situation and bury the beef with my friend of 20yrs.. Snitch goes on and says that I shouldn’t otherwise it’ll wound her relationship.. WHAT NERVE!! Damn, she comes in and ruins a friendship and now don’t want me to be reconciled with my brother, my soldier of the same struggle. Daaaamn, aint that a snitch? Aint she a snitch!!?!?!

Ahhhhh, I was touched. This was snitchery at its peak. That’s when I knew that I’ll never associate with that snitch ever again..

I'll be back with more snitches from Bots in time to come.. That place has some amusing dramaz jo!

In God we trust
Capt. L. Gunnz of the CSUThe Don, In Harare

Leeches

Ah yes, this post, is entirely dedicated to leeches. You know, those species of snitch that look like innocent slugs, but once they latch on, they don’t let go…?

I have had the displeasure of getting myself acquainted with some leeches and unfortunately letting them attach themselves to me. HUGE mistake that was… but I take it as a learning point. They wind themselves and their lives around you like a serpent and suffocate the breath out of you till you can’t move and eventually just faint and stay right where they want you to stay: in front of their eyes.

What is it about this species of snitch who can’t seem to trust you to handle your business? The constant ringing of the phone (mobile and home phone), first question when you do finally pick up (on the 13th ring) is usually, “So where are you?” Followed almost immediately with, “with whom, what are you doing there and when are you going home?” Eish…. Please let a sister breathe!

Is this phenomenon (if I may call it such) caused by past bad experiences by snitches? Even if it is, is it fair to treat the rest of us this way? Of course, such snitches don’t exist in the form of those with a Y-chromosome only, those of us who can multi-task do it too (yes, that means you missy!).

A girl needs some space to do all the girly things that we do (don’t we girls?). If we wanted a man who doesn’t have his own life, we’d have gotten a puppy, or rather a kitten (I really hate dogs…). And of course, this goes in vice versa, but I’m guessing men would rather get a car or boat…?

Do these snitches have an issue with trust maybe? How do you deal with such snitches?

The best way, of course is to sit and talk frankly about said snitchin’ behaviour (and please girls, don’t drop hints… didn’t Captain Gunnz tell you it won’t work? Just come right out and say it!). Usually I’ll just ignore them but, I must warn you, this is not advisable for any of you out there who are not capable of being a cold-hearted b*tch when the occasion rises, but if you are capable of it, try it (at the risk of losing said snitch of course, but hey, freedom never tasted so good). Of course, you could always try constantly reassuring the snitch (or boyfriend/girlfriend if you prefer to call him/her such a name), but be sure to tell me if you get tired of it after the 50th time you do this and he/she is still ringing the phones off the hook... I can then tell you: I told ya so!

Now, ain’t that a snitch???

You Cant Win

It is I, the Great Capt. Gunnz Blazing this blog once again!! Ha! In my life, I endeavour to be the 1st man to win against this forthcoming snitch.

The snitch is 'you cant win against a snitch'! I'm talking about lying snitches!!! Okay, lemme be the 1st to admit that most men lie to women. True dat, coz most men want what they want plain and easy. And women know this BUT century after century they live in this this fantasy whereby they insist on being lied to, being told candy coated nonsenses so that they eventually give in to that guy who's been lying to her only coz she wanted to hear it.

I mean, all women know what those men want from them, but they never wanna hear the plain truth. Anyways, that's beside the point.

The point is: Snitches dont lie to me, they lie to themselves!!! Danger like Mystikal! How are you gonna have an accurate debate/argument against someone who's gonna lie to themselves? That's the question!!! Dammmn..

Thanks to this unique ability, snitches can tell themselves something enough times that it becomes the truth in their mind. Weeks later they decided to spring it on you (in a loud, screeching voice) and they honestly believe what they're saying. And there u are, stuck in a daze wondering what the hell is happening and ur there stuck for what to say at sheer and utter shock of the highly inaccurate accusations being put forth.

And then u try.. U try to say something, but a Snitch always seems to remember the 'facts' betta than u do. And if by some sheer miracle you manage to back ur side of the story up, or perhaps there's an objective witness in the room to verify ur account, a snitch changes the issue midstream. Eish.. now aint that a snitch?!?!?

Anyways, at this point a man like me would resign and decide that I got betta things to do than argue with a snitch. Eish.. this approach also brings more volume. There shall come a time that I will silence a snitch.. just by being a Captain! How about that?!

Well, I'm out!

Sailing the Storm and Storming the Sail

Capt. Lidzi Gunnz, BLAZIN!!!

A snitchin affair.

Recently we at www.snitchin.blogspot.com were fortunate enough as to be invited to Radiah's Birthday bbq. No diggity, no doubt it was coming thru affair and i teh Spoons got to meet a few peoples from this wonderful blog item in person...(lemme catch my breath). However, not all went smoothly for teh Spoons; the underdog himself and leader of the newskool. I tried conducting an interview with Muda but as u will see this backfired terribly...

u gotta oops up side your head to watch this one.

Yes dear citizens i am still nursing the wounds.

Next Captian Gunnz himself tried to redeem the situation by interviewing me, but as u know snitches are never far from the good guys, and our interview was rudely interrupted. Complaints: 1. the camera itself was being a snitch and making me out to me more pitch black than i am (yes i know, near impossible). 2. we seemed to reach the same conclusion as the Muda interview

u gotta turn on ur night vision to peep this item.

It seems teh general concensus is that Le Spoons is a snitch! I still maintain i am a victim of circumstance.

P.S: Radiah, thnx for the bbq girl.

Can a Snitch get a hint?

Yes readers, it is I, the Captain with a bit of edumacation for all the young ones out thurr. This is so you're not shocked or taken aback once u consolidate that acquisition and find out things just aint the way u had imagined. Once must perceive the Force~~!!

There was a movie about A Game Ranger (not as game-ranger as DoubleUp puts it - no, the real type of Game Ranger) and along with his wife they raised an orphaned lion cub. And as it grew up, they released it to the wild where it belongs. It's at this moment that we look over to our feminine counterparts and notice how they sob because its so touching to let something you love get away like that.

And here comes the irony - the snitch. Many actually spend their lives doing the opposite with the dudes they consolidate. If u love something, set it free only applies to butterflies and doves in their case.

It seems that they are intent on setting up a new regime when they consolidate that acquisition. 'Capturing' the man, and tryna 'domesticate' him. Using positive and negatives to govern their dictatorship! The promise of bliss contrasted with the endless nagging.

But the greatest one is Passive-Aggresiveness. As if it was innate, passed down each generation. Here's how it works: They dont come out and say what they want (like a guy would), instead they drop hints and hope u are perceptive enuff to calculate what they want and issue it to them. Ija! A heinous, diabolical and perverted technique indeed. Fortunately, it doesn't work!! (on most me at least). YES! I wrote it so you have no excuse to say u didnt know!!! I'll put it in bold so u dont miss it. HINT DROPPING DOESNT WORK ON GUYS!!

And guys, fret not. We work upon the principle of the spoken word, so dont worry about them thinking ur not perceptive. In the court of law, hints dont hold up. Let ur word be ur bond. Accept nothing less than clear communication sans the hints.

Well, other women may be able to decode these 'hints'. And snitches will get upset coz u dont understand them or they'll think u dont care, but they still continue to implement this failed method of communication that has been tried for millenia, tested for millenia and FAILED for millenia. Where are the clever deijs that know not to implement a certified and completely hopeless method of communication [Big ups to the girls that oredi know this]!

With that, it's the return of the Captain!

Signing off,

Capt. Gunnz